I am planning to come back sometime. I really am. You have no idea how much I've been thinking about it lately.
I was at an AIDS conference last weekend and it was so hard in a lot of ways. It pretty much was just informative on what all is going on in the AIDS pandemic and how we as Americans can help. There was a lot of different information about AIDS, poverty, legislation, and non-profit organizations, amongst many other things.
It was really thought provoking for me as I really felt reaffirmed in a lot of ways that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to give to people who are less fortunate than me, and I want to help. I want to give treatment to those who have AIDS and care for all parts of them. I want to give of me, because I have been given so much. I want to love people who don't know what love is like.
It also brought up a lot of questions in my head like Do I really want to chose this path for my life that seems like a losing battle? Do I want to live a life that will undoubtedly be marked with heartache? Am I emotionally strong enough to really do this? Will I do it alone? Why has God placed this on my heart so heavily?
I am beginning to sort through the answers to all of these questions. But it will be a bumpy road for sure. And I know I cannot expect clear cut answers.
God has been really good to me lately. He been teaching me a lot about love and how He loves me and pursues a romantic relationship with me. I have to admit that I have never looked at God as a romantic God who desires me, but after all, since He created romance and relationships, He's probably the expert at them both, huh? Funny how certain things get ingrained in me that really cripple my walk with Christ and I don't even realize it.
I was also thinking the other day about you and how much I appreciate your friendship. I was trying to figure out how much we'd changed. I'm sure you feel the same way, but I feel like I have changed so much since you last saw me. How long has it been? Let's see... almost four years? Wow. I wonder if we'd even recognize eachother. I am so looking forward to seeing you one day and getting to know you all over again. How fun that would be.
You have been a good friend. Thanks for everything.
Prayin for you.
Bethany