Well for starters, some financial aid stuff came back and we can't really afford to send me to Grace (the college that I've been planning on going to for three years). I dont' really know what happened. But... now I don't really know what to do. My dad gave me some plans but I don't want to do any of them.
I could...
...live with my sister in her apt and still go to classes there and never have any friends
...stay home a year between each school year to pay for college
... go to Moody and major in missions and then go to school somewhere else for nursing
... or go to a whole other school altogether
Wow.
Maybe these were all my plans from the beginning and I missed what God wanted for me.
Maybe God just wants to stretch and grow me to trust Him. I don't know.
I just don't know. I feel like I've been driving at 50 miles anhour down a one way and now I'm completely stopped in the middle of crossroads and I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't even have any direction.
Crap. I'm crying again. I really thought I would have gotten it all out the last three time I've done this.
Gideon, I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. This is all so sudden. I could have had a back up plan if this had happened a year ago. I feel like so much has happened since you left. I'm sorry if I'm different when you come back. I feel like my heart is broken. It's just been one thing after another.
I graduate TOMORROW and then... I dont' know. I have my whole life ahead of me and I dont' know where to start. And... I'm scared...
I know that God has a better plan for me, I just don't know what do to.
I'm sorry to worry you. That's the most recent thing. Also, some people have really given me a hard time lately about different things. Things that I really did the right thing in. Well, I'm just tired of people being so... difficult. I dont' know. It's not a big deal, I suppose, I know I can't live my life according to what other people think of me- it's just discouraging to me when I've worked SO hard to make connections with people that I have nothing in common with and I try so hard to be friends with them ALL year long. And then, they make bad choices and it's all down the drain.
Anyway, just pray for me. Pray that God would open my eyes to what He wants for my future.
Thank you for being there and for listening to me and for being my friend.
Bethany