Bethany,
It's okay about the finances, God will open another way and thanks again for trying, that speaks volumes to me.
It may be true that what fills my general talk is school and school work. This is because I have learnt to adjust to life, and to pursue goals. Goals in my definition are achievable longings. For goals, you have most of what it takes. Desires on the other hand, depend on outside factors. You don't have what it takes to achieve desires and that's why they can only remain as desires (I think I have told you all this before). I say this because regarding our friendship, initially I had it as a goal to have you as the closest girl in my life. I tried, and you bear me witness. I had big dreams about you coming to Africa someday or me coming over to the states. I thought I saw a future with you probably for a life time! But you know what happened and soon I knew that I had to change those longings to desires. And now, I can only desire that your dad was not indifferent to the African skin, I can only desire that you had your own way regarding our friendship and not have to fear jeopardizing your relationship with your dad, I can only desire that your environment would let you chose what you want , I can only desire that what you want is me. This, Bethany is what has been in my mind regarding us. What remains then but to let you know what is going on around my casual commitments, remind you once in a while that I miss you so much and that If I had my way I'd do anything to physically be with you. I'm restrained further by the knowledge that you are dating someone and I hate to cross boundaries and so I watch closely everything I say to you. And so that has been the definition of our friendship, a longing that can't be; yet one that is hard to quench.
Hope all goes well with your work and school commitments and your sister's wedding. God leads through our choices.
Gideon.