Okay this is not 6.00pm but at least I have s few minutes to write something.I'm going to miss reading your mails alot.already some of the counselors have arrived and we have began to have a nice time.I really am looking forward to be used of God , to forget all about myself and to have the campers at heart.I hope to make impact in someones life.I miss you and I am looking forward to chatting with you next sayurday if all goes well.You'll always mean much to me.I hope this short mail is better than nothing cause I care and I had to write something.Take care and have a fantastic week.Keep praying about all these issues,the camps my plans yeah stuff like that.I'm in quite a good mood right now and I wish that you were here.Take care.
Gideon

What a week. I have had the longest day ever. One of my babies is teething and it kills me. Tonight was our last night of Bible school and of all the nights to have low attendence this was the night when we past out awards and sing for our parents and only have of my kids showed up tonight. Did I ever tell you about the little 5 year old that thinks I'm his girlfriend? He is such a cute kid. Tonight he was talking to me about coming over to my house so we could hang out. It was adorable. Adam was at church and he made methis heart thing and told me that he loved me so much and then he wrapped it up with "I'm glad we're friends" like that would make him feel better or something. He such a bizarre guy. The more I think about you coming over here for school next year, the more that I am excited. It is still quite a distance between here and New York, but at least there is no ocean, right? Maybe you could come to my house for Thanksgiving or something! That would be so much fun but it makes me miss you all the more. I'm still not feeling very well so my parents want me to go to bed early tonight, but I am very much looking forward to talking to you tomorrow, but if things don't work out then, I hope that you are having a fantastic time at camp and tell me all about it. And thank you for understanding me and being patient with me. Yours Atoti

I respect how you feel about love and relationships.What if you hurt me? That's human we hurt each other sometimes and thats why I think it is a matter of decision and commitment and not feelings. I know you're right you're only 15 but I want to let you know that I have thought about that before and I still like you inspite of your age however I'm sorry if I may seem to have been rushing things maybe this is one of the areas in which I am not very wise please be patient with me sometimes.Sorry I forgot to tell you that we'll be having a Bible quiz tommorow so I am not very sure if I'll be online at that time but I'll try.Sorry for the sickness.It's encouraging to know that I mean the world to you and that you miss me and are praying for me.Don't worry I don't feel less appreciated by your last mail I completely understood everything.And please believe that I mean every word I say to you I'm not just flattering you.I will withhold the word love as long as you're comfortable.This may be the last mail if I don't make it tommorow but I'm very positive about next saturday.Thanks for everything you are and mean to me.
Gideon

I am so excited! I can't beleive that this is actually happening! And it does give me a reason to look forward to school. I'm really not dreading it like it might have sounded. Sometimes, I'm not so sure that I want to grow up and actually... I am afriad to say I love you. Please don't get me wrong- I like you SO much but I am 15 years old and I don't think that I understand what love means. I don't think that much of anyone can understand what true love is until they are married because I also think that love is a sacrifice. I'm sorry that I have to be so retarded, but, as much as I think age is not a big issue in our relationship- it IS a factor. In some ways it scares me to think that someone could love me because I am just a child. Gideon, what if I hurt you? Not that I plan on doing such things or that I want to but I've been known to make foolish decisions like my whole realtionship with Luke and the last thing that I ever want to do is give you pain. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to back out or anything like that I'm just...just not ready. Please, please be patient with me. I might take more patience than most girls. You are the only guy that is ever on my mind and I don't know why I'd ever throw an incredible guy like you away but I have made stupid, stupid decisions before in my life. I just want you to be aware of that, ok? Please don't cut me out to be more than I am. Please, please try to understand.
I'm really sorry that this isn't going to be very long either, but I've been really sick today and I have a long day of work tomorrow that starts earlier than I would prefer so I am going to bed. OH, my hotmail account is ditttoga@hotmail.com and I think that my msn IS working so we can chat on Sat at 6;00 your time, right? Well, I hope that you are excited to learn and grow at camp and I hope that you are excited to change poeple's lives. I'm praying for you and I miss you so much. Thank you for taking time for me. You mean the world to me.
Atoti

uuuuuuuh! that mail was sweet especially these lines mean alot to me 'I'm sorry, I hate being repeatative but I miss you so much and I am so glad that God brought you into my life and I think that you are an amazing guy that will be even more amazing than I can imagine one day. 'And I'd say thanks and ditto ditto ditto and there's nothing wrong in repeatition because repeatition is the mother of understanding.Well being an adult is cool I think it depends on your personality and the perspective you have for life but to me I don't think it is stressing at all to think about your future seriously .I feel that what opinions I had been having as a teenager can now be listened to as in I can cause change in the society because should I voice an opinion it will be given much consideration because it comes from an adult You get it?Not that teenagers don't have constructive contribution to the society but that kind of attitude exists here in Kenya and I don't like it.You know how I'd reason a few years back is not very different from how I reason now ,only I get an inner depth of facts as days go by but I don't see why the society can pay attention to me only because I'm now an adult it's absurd! Any way those are some of the things I cannot change, you know the prayer of serenity?
Let me try to get you looking forward to going back to school.You should be looking forwrad to it because it's another time of learning and growing(a basic fundamental in life)And also it gives you an opportunity to apply all that you learnt during the summer and aaaaalso, it should remind you that days are moving and that the day for my coming over is approaching!
By the way I have some piece of goodnews here.Everything has been confirmed and God willing I will be coming to the word of life Bible Institute sometime in August next year for the September intake! Don't be too excited yet, please pray that all will go well with the travel documents and that everything will be Okay when I make my appointment with the us embassy for a visa.
The long mails on saturdays from you is what will be setting the mood for the other week.The longer the mail the better and sweeter I can never get tired of reading from you.Okay when we are on line at the same time how shall we know ,now that your msn doesn't work?By the way your hotmail address dittoga@hotmail.com is still on my msn list of chatting friends so if that address is active msn can work or is it possible to chat with this blog thing? We only have tommorow so we're taking your suggestion which I'll read tommorow then the day after we're chatting! deal?Here's a song for you and I'm sure you know the artists don't you?

SAY THE WORDS (NOW)

Silence is golden but these are the words
That the world needs to hear
Terms of compassion will cause a reaction
As love drives them near

But still we choose to hide behind the face of pride
Pretending we are blind to the calling
This is my point and case, if hate can be erased
With such a simple phrase, why are we stalling?

Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear
Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear

Some just assume we already know
Of the love that they feel
Some have a heartfelt emotion
But never the words to reveal

I think we all relate, so why are we afraid
To let our hearts convey what we're feeling?
There is a world in need with hungry souls to feed
And love can intercede if we're willing, so...

Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear
Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear

The word love, it was once overused
Back in the 70's the word was abused
But I refuse to let love be diluted
We can't allow physical lust to intrude it
Or pollute it cause there ain't no excuse
For the greatest gift of all to be abused
So choose to lose the pride that may tug at you
Don't be afraid of the words "I love you"..................
.......and Bethany I'm not afraid to say that I love you!
Goodnight.
Gideon

I just got back form seeing an alien movie with my friends. Now, I'm seeing aliens everywhere I look. It was really scary, but I don't handle really scary things well, either. You are very right about love. It is a commitment and I think that most people have forgotten that, or never been told such a thing. It kills me. Most of American culture today revolves around feelings. Nobody uses thier head anymore, only thier heart.
I registered for school today. I'm not so sure that I'm ready to start back up. I have had such an amazing summer. I'm kind of sad to see it go. But I knew that this day would come and I have no chioce in the matter. One of those moutain/valley experiences. I'm trying so hard to look forward to it. By the way, I will do everything in my power to be online every Sat at 11:00. I would love so much to be able to talk to you more directly than this, not that I can complain. Every Sat you can look forward to reading and reading and reading because I will write you very long mails so that you will still know how I am and that I haven't forgotten about you.
So you're an adult, now. How does it feel? I mean, do you think that you're different? Like a different person, not just taller and more mature, but -changed. Is seriously thinking about your future depressing? I think about my future plently but, no matter how serious I am, I can't actually be "serious" because I'm still in high school and I am allowed to change my mind whenever I want and that's ok. I hope that makes sense. It's probably a bad thing to write to you write before I go to bed because I am certainly not at my peak. Thank you for the song and if I don't tell you how I feel all the time, I'm sorry, I hate being repeatative but I miss you so much and I am so glad that God brought you into my life and I think that you are an amazing guy that will be even more amazing than I can imagine one day.
Yours- Atoti

Sorry for the much work.It's part of life and also a command from God 1thes.4:11.A relationship based on emotions doesn't last coz feelings cease and memories fade but I believe that love is a decision.You decide to like someone and stick to that decision and commitment.It means a lot to me that you can have some confidence in me in the sense that you don't think I'm a player,thanks.It's not like I have to say this but I have seen players and lived with players(coz my own brother is one.)I know what playing is all about and take my word I have never liked the game.I sure am ready for camp all the fun and learning but I'm not ready to miss checking the blog for a whole week!And on those saturdays starting from this saturday I will be on line at 6.00pm which is 11.00 am in your state if you can avail your self at that time.And if it is possible to avail yourself at that time shall we chat with the blog or what?
There isn't too much going on around my life now only I'm beginning new things in my life I have that kind of feeling where I feel things are changing around me you know like I'm growing you know what I'm saying?I just opened a bank account and got a national ID card and I really feel like an adult plus I have began to proccess travel documents and yeaah stuff like that.I miss you alot maybe a song will explain better let me look for one from www.lyrics.com..................okay it's taken 20 minutes to get this song and finally here's for you from deep down my heart.

My Friend

We are standing at the crossroads / And now it's time / For you to go your way / And me to go mine / I will pray the Lord / Will keep you safe / Until the day I see your face again

chorus
My friend / We have been through so much / And you have been my Godsend / With your sure and steady love / My friend / You know I will be there / If you ever need / 'Cause you've always / Been a friend to me / I may travel the world over / But one thing I know for sure / One day this road will lead me / Back 'round to your door / I will pray the Lord / Will keep you safe / Some bonds are just too strong / To break in the end

Repeat chorus

Nothing will change the way / I feel about you / Not the miles or the years / Or the place this life takes me to

Goodnight and dream about me.

What do you mean not foolish? It was the most foolish thing that I have ever done, I think. Our entire relationship was based on emotions. Emotions are so fleeting and fickle. I have to say that it had made me more cautious and I learned alot from it. I don't think that you could be a player. I think that you are too gentle. Don't worry, I'm still working on piano but I'd love to be able to have music knowledge in a lot of instruments. Maybe next, I'll pick up the harp or something. Maybe percussion would be good for me. I need some rythm. Tell me about what's going on with you. Are you ready for camp? I hope that all of that goes well. I'm tired, I've had a long day. I'm teaching Bible school at our church now every day after work and it kills me. Don't get me wrong, I love to teach but after teaching all day long at work, I'm all teached out. Pray that I won't lose my passion and bore these kids. That is the last thing that I want to do with my life- bore somebody. Because I've been inside teaching so much lately I haven't been able to see the sunset in a long time. Well, I'm going to bed with desperate hopes for a dream about you. I miss you and I'm praying for you.
Beti

'Just to be with you I'll do anything....'I know that song and It's one of my favourite.Thanks for the courage to tell me all that you did.I think I like your dad.He really cares about you and I understand that.If I were in his position I don't know what I'd have done and yes he's right to get you thinking critically about boys and he's very right that indeed people do change a lot in six years.I'm out of words but what I know is that I still like you and time will tell whether I'm genuine about it or I'm a player coz a player can't hide for long can he?About Luke I think there's nothing foolish about everything that you guys went through and I guess it made you wiser.Thanks for your prayers and I'm glad that your proud of how I'm trying to deal with my future.If you saw the guitar that I started to learn with you wouldn't believe your eyes coz it's such a tiny messy thing but that helped me a lot so keep on keeping on with music coz it's good for the soul and work even harder still on your piano I was very impressed in Tanzania remember?Robert and O'neal say they don't have Diana's E-mail address and they asked me to ask you.Live life to the fullest you know what that exactly means?Good night and have sweet and delicious dreams.
Guapisimo.

Your are so good to me. Sometimes I can't believe that you actually like me. It's almost unreal. I bought some mangoes at the store a couple of days ago. They were so good. I miss Africa so much sometimes. Where do I start when I talk about my dad? He really is a good guy with a good heart and I hope that nothing that I say about him makes him look bad because I really don't think that he has bad intentions. I really did tell him about you. Not a whole lot or seriously because he didn't think that I was for real. He remembers that I'm only fifteen and many times I forget that. So, often when I would mention something about not getting anything from you, my dad would make a coment something like "Well, I bet another mission trip came through and he's found another girl" or something to make you seem like a player. Not that he was serious or that he meant to make you look bad- I think that he just tries all kinds of different approaches in order to make me think. Later on, we had a more serious, in depth conversation and gently my dad reminded me that people can change a lot in six years (he really wants me to wait unitl I graduate from college to get married or even to be serious about boys). HE doesn't mind that you're African, but he is quite aware that other people, my own relatives even, would have serious issues with it. Not that he doesn' think that those problems can't be conquered, he just knows that there would be a lot of heartache. This guy, his name is Luke, and if you don't mind, I'm going to give you the shorten version. If you want the long version, I don't care- I'll give it to you, but for warning; it is very long and VERY complex and I'm not so much in the mood to write it all out write now. Let's see, where to begin? Now that I look back on it, it all seem so foolish. Well, I liked this guy who was going to graduate from high school in four months and join the US Army (Stupid piont for me right there). I thought that he was amazing but actually he wasn't. He was just charming, very charming. Well, he left for the army and we wrote back and forth occasionally very romantic, sappy letters. And then one day I was talking to Adam (this whole Luke thing was how Adam and I started being friends. Adam and Luke were friends way before I knew either one of them) and he said that he was talking to "Luke's woman" the other day. Later, after much persuasion, he went on to say that this girl said she had been going out with Luke ever since before he left for the army. I was crushed and I didn't know how to handle this situation in a way that pleased God, so I wrote him back and pretended like I didn't know about this girlfriend of his to buy me some more time. I didn't hear from him for three months after that so I figured that all of the things that he had said to me were garbage and that my dad had been right all along -he was just a player that I had fallen for. Once I thought that I had started to heal from this whole thing, he called me one night and told me that he was sorry but everything that I had heard was a lie and that he just got scared when he heard that I thought he had a girlfriend and he didn't have the guts to call me earlier. Then he turned the enitre situation around and made it seem like it was MY fault that we had lost contact. And all of this time that we had not been talking, I felt like an even bigger moron because I had people all around me telling me that he was no good, but I decided that it was important to find out who he was for myself (another stupid piont). The story goes on but it gets pretty repetative- he comes crawling back to me, guilts me into saying that we can still be friends and then suddenly stops talking to me. Things between us are finally done with but whenever I see him (which isn't often) he talks to me like he wants to have a friendly conversation with me but there is too much that's gone unsaid or something. It's so odd. I remember you telling me that asking questions is the best way to learn and I don't mind at all. I bought a guitar. It is a piece of trash, but I'm going to see if I can rebuild it. If I can, then I decided that I'm gong to do something dramatic to it, like paint it hot pink or put flames on the fret board or something. You know what? I'm really proud of you in dealing with your furture, no matter what the outcome. I really am. Not that I need to tell you, but I'm praying for you alot and I have never wanted to see someone so badly before, that I knew I couldn't. Sigh- Just to be with you. Do you know that song? I haven't had any more dreams and I probably won't for a while. Anyway, sweet dreams and g'night. Atoti

Hey!
You made me smile again with your dream.I've not been having dreams of late oh I had one today where I was fighting with my brother over something.....I don't know what.Anyway maybe it's because I have really been getting myself very tired these days.Our friends came over and we had such a marvelous time together all along I kept wishing you were there.About the crying question ,I just asked out of curiosity because I know it is necessary that we cry in life so that when Jesus says I will wipe your tears then it makes sense.
Not that there's anything weird about him but I'm pretty curious about your dad.You really have talked to him about me?And what was his reaction?And you said he may not be particularly friendly to a guy who is interested in you,then the jokes that he makes about me are they friendly jokes?Does he mind that I'm African?Sorry for all those questions but I'm really curious.
One more question, the only other guy you have liked, in what sense was he deceitful and deceptive?I hope you don't mind answering all these questions.Questioning is one way of getting me wiser everyday.I have talked to a number of people about my plans and they are all praying with me.You know it is very important that people pray for me because I feel that this is a transition time for me.The turn that I take now will determines my future a great deal.I was talking to Danson this morning about my plans and he suggested that I first go to the Bible Insitute in NY then apply for medical studies from there.That to me seems like a good idea because I sure wouldn't mind a year to learn from God's word coz that's one thing I have always desired in my life.Then now that I work with the wol life it would be a much simpler process coz I won't have to do any exams.When I talked to Romanus about it he was also for the Idea infact he said if I settle my plans early I could apply for the January intake.I'm yet to talk to my mentor about it and hear what he has to say.So please keep praying for God's will in my life and continue enjoying your job.You're a cute and lovely girl and I miss you big tyme.Take care.
Affectinately Gideon.